What should a foreigner know about attending a Chinese funeral and mourning customs?

At a Chinese funeral, the dress code is strict: wear black or white — these are mourning colors. Dark suits, dresses, or simple black clothing are appropriate. White is also acceptable, especially in southern regions.

Never wear red — red symbolizes happiness and joy in Chinese culture, and wearing it to a funeral is a serious offense. Also avoid bright colors like yellow, pink, or purple. Even accessories (scarves, ties, handbags) should be subdued.

In some traditional families, mourners may wear a white cloth band around the arm or head — this is provided by the family. If you receive one, wear it as instructed. For shoes, choose black or dark brown; avoid white sneakers that look too casual.

If you're unsure, err on the side of simplicity: a black suit or dress is always safe. Remember, the goal is to show respect, not to make a fashion statement.

The most common gift at a Chinese funeral is cash in a white envelope (called 帛金, bójīn). The envelope is white, never red (red is for weddings). You can buy these at stationery shops or the funeral home.

• Amount: Give an even number of money, but avoid the number 4 (sì) because it sounds like 'death' (sǐ). Odd numbers are also avoided because they are associated with misfortune. Common amounts: 101, 201, 501, or 1001 (the extra 1 ensures an odd total, which is considered lucky).
• How to give: Place the cash in the envelope, write your name (optional) on the back, and hand it to the family or place it in a designated box at the entrance. Do not give it directly to the bereaved with a handshake — it's often placed on a table.
• Flowers: White flowers are appropriate — chrysanthemums, lilies, or white roses. Never bring red roses (they symbolize romantic love). Yellow or white chrysanthemums are the most traditional.

If you cannot attend, you can send a flower wreath (花圈, huāquān) with a white ribbon bearing your name and a message of condolence.

When offering condolences, keep it brief and respectful. The most common phrase is '请节哀' (qǐng jié'āi) — meaning 'Please restrain your grief' or 'My condolences.' Another is '节哀顺变' (jié'āi shùnbiàn) — 'Restrain grief and accept the change.'

You can also say '一路走好' (yīlù zǒuhǎo) — 'May you walk well on the road' (addressed to the deceased, not the family). If you're not comfortable speaking Chinese, a simple 'I'm so sorry for your loss' is acceptable, but it's better to learn the local phrase.

Avoid saying: 'Don't cry' or 'They're in a better place' — these can be seen as insensitive. Also avoid asking about the cause of death or making jokes.

When offering your condolences, bow slightly with your hands clasped in front of you (a gesture of respect). Do not hug or kiss the bereaved unless they initiate it. After the ceremony, it's common to say '请保重' (qǐng bǎozhòng) — 'Please take care of yourself.'

Chinese funeral customs are deeply influenced by beliefs about ghosts and the afterlife. The spirit of the deceased (魂魄, húnpò) is thought to linger for a period after death, and the family must ensure it departs peacefully to avoid becoming a restless ghost (孤魂野鬼, gūhún yěguǐ).

This is why you'll see burning incense and joss paper (纸钱, zhǐqián) — to provide the spirit with money and goods for the afterlife. Paper offerings (纸扎, zhǐzhā) include miniature houses, cars, and even smartphones, all made of paper and burned at the grave or altar.

During the funeral, family members may wail or cry loudly — this is not just grief; it's believed to help guide the spirit away. In some regions, a rooster is placed at the coffin to lead the spirit, or a broken bowl is thrown to scare off evil spirits.

As a foreigner, you don't need to participate in these rituals, but you must respect them. Do not touch the altar, walk in front of the coffin, or take photos (unless explicitly allowed). Also, avoid standing directly in front of the main door — it's believed to block the spirit's path.

Burning paper offerings (烧纸, shāo zhǐ) is a central ritual in Chinese funerals. The belief is that the deceased's soul needs money and material goods in the afterlife, and burning these items transmits them to the spirit world.

You'll see joss paper (gold or silver foil paper) folded into ingots and burned in a metal container. Larger paper effigies — like houses, cars, servants, or even credit cards — are burned at the grave or during the funeral. This practice is rooted in ancient ancestor worship and the concept of filial piety (孝, xiào): providing for one's parents even after death.

In urban areas, burning is often regulated to prevent fires, so you may see designated incinerators or communal burners. If you're invited to participate, you can help by adding paper to the fire, but do so respectfully — don't throw it in casually. Some families also burn paper money at the gravesite on specific days after the funeral (e.g., the 7th, 49th, or 100th day).

For foreigners, the key is to understand that this is not just a symbolic gesture — it's a serious act of filial duty. Never mock or question it, and never step over the burning paper.

Mourning periods in Chinese culture are traditionally long and structured. The immediate family observes a period of 49 days (七七, qīqī) — this is the time it's believed the soul takes to be reborn. During this period, the family avoids celebrations, wearing red, and attending happy events.

After 49 days, a memorial service may be held. The full mourning period can last 100 days, after which the family removes the mourning clothes (孝服, xiàofú). In some traditions, mourning lasts three years for a parent, but this is now mostly symbolic — the actual period is often shortened to 100 days or 1 year.

During the mourning period, the family may avoid visiting others during Chinese New Year, as it's considered bad luck to bring death into a home. They also avoid attending weddings or birthday parties.

As a foreigner, if you have a Chinese friend or colleague in mourning, be sensitive: don't invite them to parties, and avoid sending New Year greetings that are too cheerful. A simple message of support is appreciated.

China's funeral customs vary significantly by region. Here are some notable differences:

No matter where you are, the golden rule is to observe and follow the family's lead. If you're unsure about a custom, ask a trusted Chinese friend or the funeral director discreetly.

• 节哀顺变 | jié āi shùn biàn | "Please accept my condolences" | Use when expressing sympathy to the bereaved family.
• 奠仪 | diàn yí | "Condolence money" | Red envelope of money given to support the bereaved family.
• 吊丧 | diào sāng | "To pay respects at a funeral" | Used when attending a funeral to honor the deceased.

White remains the traditional funeral color in 2026, but urban millennials and Gen Z increasingly opt for black or muted tones instead of strict white attire. The practice of burning paper offerings (joss paper) is declining in major cities due to fire safety regulations and environmental concerns, though it remains common in rural areas.

Gen Z vs Older Generations: Younger Chinese often skip traditional rituals like kowtowing or wearing孝服 (mourning clothes), preferring simple floral tributes. Older generations still insist on full funeral rites, including the 49-day mourning period and specific burial procedures.

Beijing/Shanghai vs Smaller Cities: Major cities see more secular, streamlined funerals at funeral homes. Smaller cities and rural areas maintain stronger traditions—extended mourning periods, geomancy consultations, and elaborate ancestor worship continue. Digital memorials are growing in urban areas but remain rare elsewhere.